I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
