Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
