Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
