If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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