You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
