What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
