when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You pole danced in your parka.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
