Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
