My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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