Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
