Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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