Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
