i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
