I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
