Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
