If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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