Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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