Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
