Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize