u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
