Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
