woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize