I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize