Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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