You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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