Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
