am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
