Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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