everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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