1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
