Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
