Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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