Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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