You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
