If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
