I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
