Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
