i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
