I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
