Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize