Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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