my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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