I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Randomize
