It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Randomize
