umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
