I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
