Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
