I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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