he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
