my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
