from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
smell my finger.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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