atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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