Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize