i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
