Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
