So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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