My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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