Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
