The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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