I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
