final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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