I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
