I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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