oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
