DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
