I can text with my tongue
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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