I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
