you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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