i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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