I love black thongs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
