also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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