Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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