FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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