everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
