I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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