just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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