My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
